A bit of advice for couples

It seems a bit odd to me to be giving advice on marriage since Tabetha and I still feel (and act) like newly-weds, but we have been married nearly nine years (a long time these days) and have five kids, and we still love each other… a lot.

First let me say, none of this is original with me. This is stuff I have read somewhere or have been told, but we have tried it and it worked. Second this is not directed at any particular person. Tabetha and I were just talking and it got me thinking. That said, here goes.

Praise in public, criticize (if at all) in private. People make mistakes and they cannot correct their mistakes unless someone is kind enough to gently call their attention to them. This criticism should be done in private though. Besides the emotional benefits, there is also a very practical reason for this. When you criticize someone publicly, all their attention is going to be focused on trying to save face. They are going to try to defend themselves or attack-back instead of listening. So you are just wasting your time.

This even applies to jokes. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but (contrary to the myth we teach our kids) words cut all the way to the deepest part of the soul. Have a serious talk with your spouse about what is safe to joke about. You will be surprised by what is not. Find other ways to make people laugh. If you can’t find anything else to laugh about, let me know. I can help. When you laugh at your spouse though, others may pretend to laugh with you to be polite, but on the inside we cringe.

Never say anything negative about anyone, especially your spouse. When you mention something negative about someone most people subconsciously or consciously either think, “I wonder what you say about me when you are talking to someone else” or “If he is such a jerk, you were were pretty dumb to marry him.” And things just get worse if you words make it back around to the person you were talking bad about. No matter what other people think or if the news  does not spread, your negative words hurt you more than the person you are speaking against.

Men – say, “I love you” as many times as you can. You would think that women would catch on to the fact that, if we haven’t left, we still love them, but……. It is a much researched and often proven, and re-proven fact that women NEED to hear the words “I love you” multiple times a day. How many times each day? I don’t know, but one day I got close to 200 and Tabetha asked if I really meant it every time I said it – luckily I did, and do mean it every time. But, about 50 to 100 seems to be about right.

Women – say, “thank you” as often as you can. Your husband actually wants to be a knight in shining armor, but knights do not typically take out the trash (they just chop it to pieces and leave it bleeding on the ground ) unless their damsel in distress makes a big deal out of how big a favor he did for her by rescuing her from the slime monster. Sounds silly? Sorry, but it is a much researched and often proven, and re-proven fact that men NEED to feel appreciated. How often? Well, how often do you want him to do something for you? Yes, when he helps around the house, he is doing it for you, because if he were living on his own…………

Hug at least 8 times a day. I saved the best for last. Kissing is important, and holding hands, etc., but hugs are more than just, “I love you.” They offer strength, reassurance, support, peace, and security. Researcher found that 8 hugs a day can add several years to your life. If you do nothing else, hug your spouse 8 times a day. Keep a tally sheet if you have to.

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