- Image by Getty Images via Daylife
This week I have been participating in Robert Hruzek’s groupwrite project, “What I Learned From Adversity.” The name of the project is stated in the past tense simply because all of his other groupwrite projects have been. But in this case, present tense may apply more than with most of the other monthly groupwrite projects. I have learn from other close encounters with adversity, but I am still learning a lot from the school of hard knocks.
Currently, I am learning some very hard lessons. I already know these things in my head, but my heart has remained unconvinced. My present adversity, includes being over-committed and short of time. To be honest, I stay over-committed, so this is nothing new, but I have now taken it to epic proportions.
My problem all started the day one of my parents told me to do something and I chose to say “no”. I learned very quickly that “no” was the wrong answer. Just kidding. Saying no to your parents is not a good idea, but in general, “no” is a very important word to master.
It is really a simple concept. I cannot do everything I want to do. There are just too many things to fit into one life-time. All I have to do is pick the things I want to do, and do them. Simple, except that I really want to do all of them and each time I commit to something new I underestimate the amount of time it will require. Everything, whether I am doing it or someone else is, takes longer than I think it should.
Lesson One: Estimate how long you really think something will take, then double your estimate. (I have to add three years for most things) If that time frame is not exceptable, just say no.
Lesson Two: Say no. If you can find an easier alternative take it. If this is your “one thing” you are going to pursue for the rest of your life, go ahead and do it. If it is a distraction, drop it. Easier said than done, but thanks to my present adversity, I am starting to learn.
Lesson Three: Ask for help. I have trouble letting go. That is partly because the only people I can find willing to do anything are not really qualified. I could do any of my projects much better than anyone else. Fact is, though, if I do not give up some of the projects, they will never get done.
Lesson Four: Be humble. I thought I had this lesson figured out. I thought I must be one the most humble people in the world. Turns out, I still have some learning to do. It takes a lot of humility to admit that something will take a lot longer than it “should”, to admit that you really cannot do something and say no, and it especially to ask for help.
And there is no way to get around the humility lesson. If you are not humble in the first place, you will be humiliated later as the world crumbles around your ears and you start to miss deadlines and drop-the-ball on all kinds of things. That is the point where I am now. I am learning the hard way that I really cannot do everything.
Have you learned these lessons yet? Are you learning them right now? What else have you learned (or are currently learning) from adversity?
This is my third and final? submission to the April WILF adversity groupwrite Project. To find what that means and join in on the fun head over to Robert Hruzek’s Middle Zone Musings.
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Luke Gedeon
9 Comments
Consider qualifying the unqualified. It takes a lot of time short term and patience but the reward is in the long term.
Y’know; Mr. Mark up there has a great point, Luke – maybe you need to train some folks to do what you can do. Hey, you never know; they might just be able to do it in a different – but good – way you might never have thought of on your own. Not easy to give it up, as you said, but it could pay off in the long run.
Wow, you’re a maniac on this month’s WILF, Luke! Tip o’ the hat for the third entry!
That “Mr. Mark up there” (my dad) always seems to have a great point these days. He has gotten a lot smarter over the last ten years.
Maybe it is the fact that he is a grandpa now… I have to take credit for his intelligence somehow.
if this isn’t a classic statement I don’t know what is …
if you are not humble in the first place, you will be humiliated later
saying no is a skill, I learned it in my years of school volunteering where the goodness of parents seemingly was limited, me — I loved to help and so often I got in way over my head. When I finally learned the no response I felt I could do things with more quality and joy
I agree with Robert that perhaps it’s time to teach others what you do so well, I know I am very happy to be a student under your mentorship!
Thanks for saying yes.
I’m having a hard time accepting that I can’t do the things I used to because of age, illness and some wiped out knees. I’m sitting in the hospital now feeling frustrated to be here (even though I was very grateful to get here Saturday night in a lot of pain from a recurrence of pneumonia and assorted infection). And I guess I need a lesson in humility too so that gratitude for the care I am receiving and for the loving support of family trumps the conceit of always being in charge and able to do anything I want.
Luke, as I read it hit me in a new way that adversity does humble us. I suppose it is why God allows it, we are reminded through adversity that we are but mere humans. When we are humbled we ask for help, we admit that we are not in control. Adversity brings us closer to God as we admit our need in a new way. As I have gotten older I am much better about saying NO but I blow it on occasion too. I hope your present adversity ends very soon.
I am in my late 20s and still learning a lot about myself. I’ve never really thought of things in terms of what I can’t do, I guess I am still too young. You make some good points though, perhaps I should think them over more maybe I can get more stuff done and be more focused.
Number 4 has always been a problem for me and I bet for a lot of other people too. As a parent it can sometimes be hard to say No but one just has to tell ones self that it is for the best and then hope that the children will understand when they have grown up.
If you become a master at managing your time and the tasks at hand it will take the burden out of projects. There is a ton of work that you outsource to free up time for the important things in life.